CBS News is said to be considering co-venturing with CNN, possibly outsourcing some of its newsgathering operations to the cable network. How else might the potentially cost-saving arrangement play out?
- "CBS Evening News" anchor Katie Couric would be forced to share mascara and eye shadow with fellow CNN lady newscasters, resulting in a 50% reduction in her raccoon-iness.
- CNN's "The Situation Room" and CBS News' "Face the Nation" to be combined into "Face the Situation, Nation!"
- Larry King and Andy Rooney to share one iron lung (they'll take turns).
- CBS News, seeing that its new partner has "C" adequately covered, to downsize name to BS News, saving 33.3% on logo costs.
Given that "American Idol" judges Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson have successfully extended their grip on the reality-TV market with, respectively, "America's Got Talent" and "Randy Jackson Presents America's Best Dance Crew," what does Paula Abdul have up her sleeve?
- "Paula Abdul's Word Jumble."
- "Paula Abdul's So You Think You Can Understand Me? OK, Then Explain to Me What I Just Said. Seriously, I Want to Know."
- "Paula Abdul Used to Have Talent: The Best of Paula Abdul Videos from the '80s."
- "Paula Abdul's How to be a Beautiful, Beautiful Girl. You Are a Beautiful Girl."
Disney has launched DisneyDads.com, a site with reviews of Disney films written by, yes, actual dads who work at Disney. Other such family-friendly Disney-centric sites in the works?
- DisneyStageMom.com: Dina Lohan's reviews of her own favorite red-carpet appearances.
- DisneyExes.com: a forum for divorced Disney parents to battle over their children's fortunes.
- DisneyGrandmas.com: a forum for Disney grandmothers to learn how to operate a DVD player.
- DisneyBachelorUncles.com: a Zac Efron fan site.
Last week Facebook introduced Facebook Chat, which is "a new way for you to communicate with your friends in real-time." How does it improve on real real-time chat with your real real-world friends?
- None of the annoying flying spittle that's endemic to inefficient, mouth-based chats.
- Significantly reduced redness, chafing.
- If you type it instead of speaking it, Mark Zuckerberg can possibly, maybe, monetize it, which means the social-networking bubble gets to keep inflating indefinitely!
- Um, did we mention no flying spittle?
"When I asked how many watched the evening news on a nightly basis," says Tom Brokaw to Forbes.com of his recent visit with a group of M.I.T. students, "no hands went up." Why not?
- Students too deeply engrossed in Facebook Chats with BFFs.
- Wanted to respond, but live blogging takes both hands, you know.
- Wait -- Tom who?
- Seriously, who is that dude?
In a somewhat-convoluted partnership with Oprah Winfrey, Salma Hayek and UNICEF, marketer Procter & Gamble will be giving away one tetanus shot to a pregnant woman for every specially-marked pack of Pampers it sells. What other such feel-good promotions are in the works?
- Trojan to provide free Valtrex to ex-boyfriends of Paris Hilton with every case of Magnums sold.
- Ewww, you know what? Let's just move on here. Next question, please!
To save money, newspapers across the country have been laying off their movie critics. What other such inky cutbacks have occurred lately?
- Garfield the Cat forced to switch to dry food from lasagna.
- Virgo and Scorpio horoscopes to be folded into, respectively, those of Leos and Libras; Capricorns to be phased out.
- Coverage of the economy now handled by the obituaries desk (same dif).
- Anything Sam Zell last looked at inside Tribune's offices.
In the spirit of the Smithsonian, with its famous displays of Archie Bunker's chair and Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli's leather jacket, the just-opened new Newseum in Washington, D.C., has enshrined the bedroom slippers of former Wonkette blogger Ana Marie Cox. What other surprising memorabilia can be found at this august museum of newsgathering?
- The tub of Vaseline used to coat the camera lens during Barbara Walters' close-ups.
- Anderson Cooper's sweaty jockstrap from his battle-of-the-hotties "60 Minutes" soccer match/interview with David Beckham.
- GigaOM blogger Om Malik's manssiere.
- Sam Zell's treasured collection of strip-club ads.
ANSWER KEY: A -- unless it's B, C or D.
Simon Dumenco, aka Media Guy, is an Ad Age editor-at-large. You can follow him on Twitter @simondumenco.