Hey, Nanoblog This! The New New-Media Lexicon Decoded

Want to Speak Nerd? Media Guy Will Talk You Through the Statusphere

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AdSense -- n. An automated, senseless act of violence against the traditional advertising industry.

Ballmer -- v. To endlessly pursue someone who is not interested (after Microsoft chief Steve Ballmer's endless pursuit of Yahoo). Usage: That dude was totally ballmering me, so finally I ended up giving him a fake cellphone number.

Content -- n. 1. A deposed ruler. 2. A king-turned-pauper.

Digg -- v. To impose one's dubious taste on a larger group. Usage: The rest of us wanted to go to Denny's, but Bob digged us and we ended up at Chuck E. Cheese.

Follower -- n. A person who pretends to be interested in what you are doing in hopes that you will pretend to be interested in what they are doing.

Google Street View -- n. A service newly expanded into Great Britain that stalks hapless subjects of the Queen who vomit on their shoes after one too many pints.

Huffpo' -- adj. Impoverished due to the total devaluation of content (derived from the traditional abbreviation of the Huffington Post). Usage: I used to have a thriving writing career, but now I'm huffpo'.

iPhone -- n. A device you keep checking instead of paying attention to ... Hello? Excuse me? I was talking here.

Kindle -- v. To burn your old business model. Usage: After sticking all their content on the web on sites like Hulu, network TV executives ended up kindling prime time.

LGC -- abbr.: Loser-generated content: content created by trained professionals that has no economic value in the new economy; antonym for UGC (user-generated content). Usage: Our revised business model projects profitability within 18 months once we replace all our LGC with UGC.

Micropayment -- n. 1. A media-industry salary; 2. A newly reduced paycheck that you're just relieved isn't $0 (yet).

Nanoblog -- n. A blog-like service (e.g., Twitter) that is so compact it has no room at all for a revenue model.

Placeshifting -- n. Moving one's consumption of media from a place where a content purveyor is able to generate healthy profits to a different place in which the content creator has no hopes of ever recouping costs.

Quantcast -- n. A treatment for split-personality disorder (see: Unique, below).

Revenue -- n. A legendary mythical entity similar to the Loch Ness Monster or Sasquatch. Usage: Our CFO says our start-up hasn't seen any revenue yet, but we have 50 million uniques!

Statusphere -- n. A virtual version of high school for insecure old people. Usage: He's totally huge in the statusphere -- he's got 1,154 followers!

Tweet -- v. 1. To quickly bore. Usage: Hand me the remote, this show is already tweeting me. 2. To describe the uninteresting food you have just eaten to uninterested parties; from the Latin, tweetarium (a Greek diner menu).

Unique -- n. A split personality -- usually three people in one (you at work, you at home, you on your iPhone).

VC -- abbr.: Venture charity. Usage: We know our half-baked start-up will never, ever generate revenue, so we're hoping to coast for a few years on an infusion of VC money.

WAYD? -- abbr.: What Are You Doing?; similar to WWJD?, only you are Jesus, and everybody is following you because you've become convinced that your every tossed-off utterance is some sort of divine revelation.

Zzzzzzz -- n. A typical response to a tweet.

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