Hey, Venture Capitalists: Invest in My Web 3.0 Now!

It's Media Guy's Best New Media Idea Ever in the History of the Universe

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Ok, so here's my idea, which I'm pretty sure is the Best New Media Idea Ever in the History of the Universe: Basically, it's a sort of viral mobisodic Wiki MySpace.

Sounds awesome already, right? Wait, it gets awesomer.

This product's mobisodes -- mobile episodic videos for your cellphone -- are created by harnessing the collective creativity of the blogosphere. It automatically culls from and Wikis the most rivetingly self-absorbed blog RSS feeds. Now, I don't want to give away too many details, but suffice it to say that the spider that crawls through these feeds is highly attuned to a very specific blog demographic: Blogs created by precocious teenage girls. Which means the market is huge, since all bloggers are either teenage girls or just act like them.

The product's killer app, basically, is the creation of real-time chick lit, which is instantly "brought to life" (so to speak) by animated avatars, and then further annotated with MySpace-like "cameo appearances" by user avatars.

I've been beta-testing it, and some of the results have really blown me away. Here's a sample synopsis:

"Jesus then leaned across me, ostensibly to show me his Facebook profile. He was totally invading my personal space, which I had learned about in Human Psychology class, and I instinctively sunk back, using my legs, in a chair."

I know what some of you are thinking: That sounds somewhat reminiscent of a passage in "How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life," by Harvard undergrad Kaavya Viswanathan. Viswanathan's book happens to have a passage that reads, "Sean stood up and stepped toward me, ostensibly to show me the book. He was definitely invading my personal space, as I had learned in a Human Evolution class last summer, and I instinctively backed up till my legs hit the chair I had been sitting in."

Last week, of course, it was revealed that Viswanathan plagiarized portions of her debut novel from a couple of books by Megan McCafferty, one of which includes this passage: "Marcus then leaned across me to open the passenger-side door. He was invading my personal space, as I had learned in Psych class, and I instinctively sank back into the seat."

In a statement last week that struck me as so last-century, Viswanathan said, "I wasn't aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty's words" and that "any phrasing similarities" were "unintentional."

See, now that's the beauty of my viral mobisodic Wiki MySpace product: It internalizes everything, and all phrasing similarities are completely intentional! It's a mash-up! I mean, that's the whole point, for chrissakes!

Speaking of Christ, you know that Jesus character in my beta? It's Jesus Christ. And the protagonist of this particular mobisode is a girl named Mary Magdalene.

Now, I know what you're going to say: There's already a ubiquitous story about how Mary Magdalene got kissed, got wild, got her man, got pregnant, etc. -- it's called "The Da Vinci Code." Thank you for bringing that up, because while I acknowledge that my product's Wiki spider did internalize some of the historical characters in "The Da Vinci Code," the central stories in that book and in my Wikisode are completely different. For example, in my beta the Catholic Church hides secrets in an elaborate series of numerical puzzles. Which is totally superawesome, because it introduces a gaming component into my product! It's called The Sudoku Code.

I think I've probably revealed too much already, so for now I'm just going to add that venture capitalists should please contact me at my e-mail address, below, and then form a neat and orderly queue.

And as for the originality of the core product, I totally thought of it all by myself (even though I went to a state college). I do, however, accept the possibility that one day the Web 2.0 Bullshit Generator may spit out the idea. (Go to emptybottle.org/bullshit, click on the "make bullshit" button and watch as it spews gibberish like "syndicate viral syngergies" and "incentivize authentic Wikis." Personally, I'd like to see the site integrated with PayPal, so VCs would only have to click one more button to invest in bullshit ideas.)

Anyway, I just want to add that, like all great thinkers -- and Harvard undergrads -- I merely stand on the shoulders of giants. Which brings me to another product idea I have: nonskid shoulder pads for giants with built-in Surround Sound speakers for listening to podcasts. But I digress ...

E-mail: dumenco@gmail.com
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