Jon Stewart, in introducing his recent "Old Man Stewart Shakes His Fist At..." segment, recently declared of Twitter, "I have no idea how it works." But chances are you do, dear reader. Because stories about Twitter -- its reach, its influence, its potential revenue model -- invariably float to the top of the "most read" chart here at AdAge.com. So I'm not worried at all about how you'll do on this special Twitter edition of Media Guy's Media Studies Pop Quiz!
Twitter CEO/co-founder Evan Williams, who was invited to a White House "young business leaders" summit earlier this month, twittered that his invitation "must mean they're *really* out of ideas." What else does it mean?
- Twitter, now officially too big to fail, to be nationalized.
- Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner expected to announce plan to replace "shovel-ready" economic stimulus plan with new "mobile-optimized" economic stimulus plan -- via Twitter.
- Hero of the Twitterati Williams now also an icon among the Twatterati.
A commenter who goes by the name JMarie recently posted this comment on a Twitter-related story at The Business Insider: "I am a 25-year-old in the digital industry who lives in Manhattan. I don't know one person my age who uses Twitter. I only ever hear about [it] when old media people talk about it. Sadly, Twitter is a lame device old people have started using thinking it's 'relevant' and 'young' when really the only people you are reaching are also old. Oh, how easily people fall for bad trends..." Since that controversial declaration, what's become of JMarie?
- JMarie's followers on Twitter totally stopped following her!
- Mark Zuckerberg friended her.
- Her 32-year-old boss downsized her.
Comedian Michael Ian Black recently introduced the concept of the Fuckitlist -- the opposite of a Bucket List: things you don't intend to do before you die -- on Twitter, where the frenzied spewing of tossed-off Fuckitlists items (e.g., "wear thong underwear," "watch an opera," "read Atlas Shrugged") is all the rage. What's on Twitter's Fuckitlist?
- "read a complete paragraph"
- "enhance white-collar productivity"
- "create revenue model that makes any sense whatsoever"
To power its users' status updates, Facebook asks, "What are you doing right now?" Twitter, meanwhile, asks, "What are you doing?" What's the difference?
- Untold billions of dollars in market value.
- That arrogant, non-real-time Google, which clearly cares not a whit about what you're doing -- right now or otherwise -- is so totally over.
- You really want to know? Right now? Um, can I get back to you on that?
Twitter intends to make money by:
- Charging most loyal members of Twitter cult for "auditing" sessions that will elevate them to "Operating Thetan" level of Twitterati.
- Charging Treasury Secretary Geithner consulting fees.
- Further developing real-time search functionality of Twitter until it reaches critical mass, then searching on "Twitter revenue model" to find wisdom-of-crowds-y Twitterati consensus about best Twitter revenue model option.
|Prager's Late Night Visitor|
Last week tech-famous(-ish) Twitterer David Prager, co-founder of IPTV company Revision3, twittered about a home invasion occurring at his apartment as it happened -- instead of calling the police. His first tweet read, "ok, maybe I should lock my door -- I swear a random dude just walked into my bathroom and I can't believe I haven't freaked out." Prager speculated in subsequent tweets that the intruder camped out in his bathroom was a drunk hobo. What ultimately happened?
- Drunk hobo, just before passing out in bathtub, twittered, "Some people really need to lock their doors -- I swear I just walked into some random dude's bathroom and I can't believe he isn't freaking out."
- Prager twittered, "Drunk hobo has come out of bathroom. Now repeatedly stabbing me with my letter opener. Bleeding profusely. Getting harder and harder to twe"
- Newly established as "housing expert" thanks to his housing-related tweets, Prager invited to White House "young business leaders" summit to discuss foreclosure crisis.
How does a Twitter "follower" differ from a Facebook "friend"?
- Twitter followers more likely to know you have food stuck in your braces -- thanks to your most recent tweet about discovering that, OMG, you just realized you totally had food stuck in your braces! -- than Facebook friends who are sadly reliant on your less frequently-updated Facebook status update.
- There's not all that much difference; truth is, both your Twitter followers and your Facebook friends think those jeans make your ass look fat.
- Unlike your Facebook friends, your Twitter followers are welcome to use your bathroom any time, day or night.
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ANSWER KEY: A -- unless it's B or C.