The official trailer for "Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1" debuted last night on the MTV Movie Awards -- only, not really, because of course the damn thing had already leaked online a few hours earlier. MediaWorks TV is presenting it here as a public service because we live in a world whose pop culture is controlled by teenage girls, so you should know what you're once again up against (i.e., the unstoppable, suffocating "Twilight" hype machine). Also, the trailer is kind of hilarious in its delirious overwrought-ness -- including the "Exorcist"-worthy soundtrack and three ominous interstitial red-on-black title cards that read:
YOU ARE CORDIALLY INVITED
TO THE EVENT
THAT WILL CHANGE EVERYTHING
The basic plot: Edward the Vampire and Bella the Human introduce iCloud, the iOS 5 mobile operating system and the new Lion desktop operating system. Oh, no, wait! That's later today when Steve Jobs delivers the keynote at Apple's 2011 Worldwide Developers Conference. (We'll have video from that too. Stay tuned.) Actually, the real plot (which is based on yet another one of those 100-million-selling Stephenie Meyer "Twilight Saga" novels) seems to be that Edward and Bella get married so they can have hot, PG-13 sex (complete with a windowsill-grabbing thrust that causes a curtain-rod malfunction), which pisses off Jacob the Werewolf so much that he's forced to rip off his shirt and do his famous Marky-Mark-meet-Cujo impression in the rain.
P.S. For some historical perspective (from 2009): Who Can Explain the Billion-Dollar 'Twilight' Economy? This Guy.
Simon Dumenco is the "Media Guy" media columnist for Advertising Age. Follow him on Twitter @simondumenco.