I once came within literal spitting distance of Donald Trump's "hair." He was seated at a banquette at a Manhattan nightclub that had been closed for a private party (some stupid media-industry event), and I was able to pass directly behind him. I was so surprised by the lack of a protective bubble of bodyguards and/or nightclub personnel that I decided to try it again -- and again. So I circled back, slowing down the second and third times so that I could peer into the abyss of one of the enduring grooming mysteries of our time: What the hell that grainy, poofy blond thing on Trump's scalp is.
Afterward, in the pages of New York Magazine, where I worked at the time, I pronounced it a "pompa-dover" -- a combination pampadour and comb-over.
Last month Vanity Fair's Bruce Handy declared it a "double comb-over" in a VF.com post titled "Shocking Truth Behind Donald Trump's Hair Revealed?", backed by photographic evidence -- a harshly lit close-up image of Trump's, uh, corporeal penthouse real estate. "It looks as if a length of hair growing from the part on the left side of Trump's pate has been combed left-to-right over the crown of his head," Handy wrote, "while a second length of hair, growing from the back of his head, has been combed back-to-front over the first length of hair. Salon-strength hair products likely play a role in the final construction of this lattice-like structure."
I have my doubts. I would need to not only reexamine the structure, but touch it. Repeatedly.