The Kafka Questionnaire

Published on .

Does Ann Coulter have implants?

Yes, she does. They're brain implants. And they're currently in the Off position.

What's the next thing that needs to be microwaveable?


What else could they do to liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

Put one of those nipple shields on John Madden.

Invent the most ridiculous corporate name for a sports stadium.

The Minoxidil Dome.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"Gee, that's great. But your first idea was greater."

What are you allowed to eat on the Arnold Schwarzenegger diet?


What's your dream job?

Minus the clients, focus groups, co-workers and bosses-this one.

What's the most preposterous rock tour corporate sponsor and what's the name of the tour?

Blistex Presents the Flaming Lips.

Should fat kids be allowed to sue their parents?

Yes. As long as their parents are also allowed to

harpoon them.

What will New York's Mayor Bloomberg ban next?

The middle class. Oh, wait, they've already been banned.

What's Donald Rumsfeld's favorite Halloween costume?

Secretary of Defense.

How do you tell the Olsen twins apart?

Offer them food. Whoever throws up first is Ashley.

Is Ronald Reagan really dead?

Wait! That guy was alive?!

Guess Michael Moore's weight.

Standing on his right foot, nothing. Standing on his left, 310 lbs.

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