The Kafka Questionnaire

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The late Saul Bellow fathered a child when he was 84. Name a more impressive physical feat from your own life.

Directing three spots for the price of one.

Since she first appeared on the media radar, what's your personal record for consecutive days without thinking about Oprah?

One long night last year at Cannes, although Dr. Phil flashed through my head at 4:30 a.m.

Is the Six Flags Man good in bed?

Yes, but please confirm that with Angelina Jolie.

What's the title and plot of the next hit reality TV show?

Hooker Apprentice. See who can negotiate quickly and firmly, provide customer satisfaction and close deals fast.

What is Wendy's Dave Thomas doing in heaven?

Convincing Dr. Atkins that a few carbs are OK.

What would your stage name be if you were a professional wrestler?

El Toro. Best move: full nelson.

Where does Dick Cheney really spend most of his time?

In the bunker, buying weapons of mass destruction on eBay.

What does Donald Trump feed the mammal on his head?

Orange and gray cotton candy.

What would you have given to be on the Michael Jackson jury?

My Thriller album.

What should Christo wrap now that he's done with Central Park?

Paris Hilton's crotch.

What's worse and why: a Spam sandwich or cannibalism?

Definitely a Spam sandwich. With cannibalism, at least you know what you're getting.

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