The Tuvan Throat Singing Testicle Exercise is as follows.

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STEP 1 Stand in front of a mirror. Full length is preferred.

STEP 2 Drop your drawers.

STEP 3 Take a few deep breaths. Block out all your thoughts and concentrate on your boys.

STEP 4 Clench your sphincter, slowly pull your belly toward your spine and retract your boys up into your body. Release, then repeat. If you need a visual, think of two yo-yos working in unison. Some of you will get this right away, while for others this may take awhile. Be patient.

STEP 5 Add music. Attempt to match the beat. Start with something slow, so as not to hurt yourself. Presently, I am able to match beats to house music. Again, think of two yo-yos rising and falling in unison. For those of you who wish to attain Grand Master status, you need to have your boys rise and fall independently of each other. Sadly, this title eludes me, as I'm only able to retract the right testicle while my left hangs, uninterested. I believe the female equivalent to this exercise would be the Kegels used for incontinency and heightened orgasms. However, that is a separate article. To be continued . . .

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