We ask not without reason. What brings this all to mind is a
website called LoveYourVagina.com.
These folks don't want you to be vaginally satisfied. They want
Do you love your ... Lady Garden
Do you love your ... Vajayjay?
Do you love your ... Fru Fru.
In each case, the cute little euphemisms are rendered in
stylized designs approximating the vulva, as imagined by a team of
scrapbookers. Once again, not for nothing. There is a pudenda
agenda: LoveYourVagina.com is the website of a British product
called Mooncup, which is a silicone menses receptacle designed to
replace tampons and sanitary pads. Sort of a diaphragm meets
chamber pot, it's a flexible reservoir for menstrual fluids that
you scrunch up to insert and slide out to empty.
In that sense, the whole vagina-centricity of the campaign is a
bit of bait-and-cooch, since the vagina is only the terminus point
of the monthly period. Mooncup merely resides there at the delta,
collecting the flow from points north. But fair enough: to switch
metaphors slightly, it's also where the rubber meets the road.
One of the supposed benefits of the product is to reduce vaginal
dryness, irritation and even contamination by disposable products
of dubious provenance. Hence ...
"We think it deserves some love, especially when you think how
much love and attention you lavish on your hair, nails, teeth and
Then they show an image of the Mooncup, which looks quite like
the top 1/3 of an industrial-strength condom -- upside down -- and
conjures some mental pictures that would be hard to make cute. Sure
enough, a bit of search-engine enterprise reveals that, while many
women swear by Mooncup (and its gum-rubber cousin The Keeper)
others have been bedeviled by messiness issues too graphic to
detail here. Not to mention sloshing.
"We bet you winced when you saw this," the text says, and the
text ain't lyin'. "Everyone does. But there are three reasons why
we think it's important that you get to know it."
Actually, two reasons: 1) the aforementioned deleterious effects
of paper and cotton, "which often contains bleaches and pesticides"
and 2) "Every woman will use an average of 12,000 sanitary products
in her life, which can be replaced by one reusable Mooncup." Do you
take a mesh sack to the grocery store to save on paper and plastic?
We actually think the green pitch is less powerful. Mind you,
tampons and pads aren't entirely yuck-free, but for convenience and
confidence they retain major advantages. What Mooncup does so well
here is position itself as a feminine indulgence -- not for some
characterless piece of anatomy but for Lady Vajayjay -- who is
suddenly not so much an organ but a pet.
That's why the best part of the site is a poll, letting women
(and apparently a number of 15-year-old boys) offer their own pet
names. Some of them are charming: Schlippy Shmoo, Baby Bear. Some
of them are mean: Palin and Thatcher. And some of them are
hilarious: Map of Tasmania; The Downtown Dining and Entertainment
District; and Anastasia Beaverhousen.
But as a group they do the trick. You may indeed be indifferent
to your vagina. But how in the world can you mistreat Se?or Puss