No More Living in the Past: Garfield's 10 Resolutions for 2012

He'll Tweet Less, Link in More ... and Reimagine All of Marketing

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"New Year's Resolution."

Those are the first words of an essay that will appear in this very publication in a very few days, an essay that reimagines the practice of marketing for 2012 and beyond.

The package of stories is branded "The Human Element" and I commend it to you. Not only does it purport to turn marketing upside, it provides solace to all those who have been staggered by digital revolution. And in a socially connected world, it is the only option. Also, I am well acquainted with both of the authors.

One of them is Doug Levy, CEO of imc2, the purpose-inspired strategic and creative agency headquartered in Dallas. Doug is a very impressive guy. A summa cum laude Wharton School grad, successful entrepreneur and leader in the Conscious Capitalism movement. Powerpoint virtuoso. Dad. You should pay attention to what he says. The other author is only me.

But once again I digress. The resolution that opens the main essay is "No more living in the past," which is probably good advice for all human enterprise, especially marriage, politics and participatory sports. But as the co-resolver of the resolution, I've been giving some thought to other ways to forge a fresh start in 2012 in the social-media realm.

I humbly offer them to you now -- not merely because I am a generous soul, but because, if history is any guide, once I articulate these crucial guiding principles for the coming year, I probably won't really use them anymore.

1) I will not tweet airport arrivals or departures. Putting aside the amount of interest my dozens of followers have in my comings and goings, why do the FBI's job for them?

2) Find out what SlideShare is . It seems to be something social media-y, perhaps involving the sharing of slides. I do like to share, so I will investigate.

3) Cancel Prodigy account. I gotta get rid of that thing.

4) While appreciating the honor and prestige, step down as Mayor of Chuck E. Cheese. Anyway, the little brats always cut in front of me at Skee-Ball.

5) Get patent on my line-extension app. Examples: 4.1Square, Lucky Charms with Meat.

6) Get me some slides. I may be needing to share them.

7) Locate Mark Zuckerberg and kick the living shit out of him. I don't care that he controls a good part of my public life, but the fucker just can't make up his mind.

8) Unfriend Kim Jong-Il. First he never really commented on my kitten posts, and then he totally stopped tagging me

9) Link in with Newt Gingrich. I'm hoping he can find my 10-year-old a job.

10) Do not live in the past, but travel back in time. Then short Groupon.

Bob Garfield, now a consultant, has reported on advertising, marketing and media for 28 years.

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