THE LATEST NEWS from the search engine space is dire, indeed. According to The Onion, "America's finest news source," Google has announced plans to destroy all information it can't index. The hilarious article "quotes" Google co-founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin, as well as John Battelle, author of the popular Searchblog at http://battellemedia.com, on the debut of Google "Purge." Battelle is quoted as saying, "A year ago, Google offered to scan every book on the planet for its Google Print project. Now, they are promising to burn the rest. Thanks to Google Purge, you'll never have to worry that your search has missed some obscure book, because that book will no longer exist. And the same goes for movies, art and music." Battelle says he had no idea the quote was coming, though he's pleased with the recognition it has brought. "There is no doubt that a fake quote in The Onion is an honor," he said. "Far more people congratulated me about that quote than have contacted me about recent quotes in The New York Times!" Google's P R team did not return calls by press time. We're only hoping the company's army of laser-equipped robots, also highlighted in The Onion piece, didn't stage a coup. The article can be found at www.theonion.com/content/node6/4007-.