Google Bought Nest. What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Exciting Implications for Google's 'Smart' Home, Especially for Advertisers

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Google's $3.2 billion purchase of Nest, makers of web connected thermostats and smoke detectors, has attracted a lot of attention. Undoubtedly the appeal to Google goes beyond simply getting a foothold in the household gadget market. The real prize is Nest's data, collected by an array of sensors placed throughout the house.

For the first time Google will have access to information about our everyday comings and goings when we're not staring at screens. Google has agreed to uphold Nest's privacy policy, but it's easy to imagine them offering perks to those who are willing to waive it. This presents some exciting implications for everyone, especially advertisers.

Here are just a few of the things you can look forward to in your Google/Nest interconnected home of the future:

Your Nest, noticing that you've been in the bedroom all day with the temperature set at 81 degrees, has Google shopping express send over some Nyquil and a cold compress.

You burn your dinner badly and trigger a text message from Papa John's pizza owner John Schnatter who offers you 10% off a medium pepperoni pie. Moments later you receive a second text, hilariously revealing that the first text actually came from Peyton Manning who felt bad about your dinner and personally authorized the 10% discount.

The Nest senses a new heat signature coming from your guinea pig cage and takes the opportunity to add "I'm a piggy Daddy" to your gmail signoff along with a link to a PetSmart gift registry.

After a flood of divorce lawyer spam, you realize that the Nest senses you've been sleeping on the couch for the past month.

From its overhead vantage point, our Nest smoke detector determines that you are balding and takes the liberty of ordering generic Minoxidil from Google marketplace.

A new Google Analytics feature called "Chuck-E-Cheese Family Fun Time" measures time spent with your kids. Too much time apart wins you free Skee Ball tickets on your next visit to any Pizza-Time Theater.

A slight increase in humidity levels in your living room generates a Fresh Step sponsored g-chat with an animatronic cat, who informs you that it's time to change your litter.

Nest senses you've biked to the office so it sends your Google driverless vehicle out to work a shift for Uber. Fares upload to your Google Wallet. sponsors an innovative campaign that sets off your smoke alarm every time you sleep until 11 on a week day. The alarm is reprogrammed to scream "Seize the Day!" during the promotional period and can only be disabled by entering a coupon code on Monster. (It wins the Grand Prix at Cannes).

The Aflac Duck mysteriously adds you as a friend on Google+

You trigger your Nest hallway light too many nights in a row and suddenly every website you visit is sponsored by Depends and Lunesta.

Whenever you go online to search for anything, the Google doodle just bursts into flames - a fun inside joke between you and your Nest.

Thanks to Nest's web-connected activity sensors, a troop of hacker determine that you're on vacation and take the opportunity to clear your place out. Fittingly this includes your $250 thermostat.

Deacon Webster is chief creative officer at Walrus.
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