The Kafka Questionnaire

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Why do you think sock puppets are so popular in advertising?

Because they're just so funny and realistic. I mean that Taco Bell dog, for example, you'd just never know that he was a sock puppet.

If the age of consent were lowered, would you consider marrying Hallie "Pepsi Girl" Eisenberg?

I would marry her, go through whatever legal proceedings are necessary to prevent her from appearing in commercials -- and then have the marriage annulled.

Who should replace Kathie Lee on the Regis and Kathie Lee show?

A sock puppet.

Is Dodge really different?

I hope I never have to know.

If one of The Sopranos characters had to be your ECD, whom would you prefer?

I don't have HBO anymore, but isn't there someone named Big Pussy? Not him.

What great film director would you not want to direct your next spot, and why?

Hallie Eisenberg (the infamous Independent Film Channel director) -- impossible to work with.

Have you ever used antiperspirant on any other place besides your armpit?

You're supposed to use it on your armpits?

If you left advertising, what would be your dream job?

Trying to develop a cow that makes chocolate milk.

You're going to start a retail Website. What's it sell and what's it called? A resource for creatives that sells ideas that clients never bought. "Finished ads in about an hour."

What else besides pork could be called "The other white meat"?

Britney Spears.

What does Fahrvergnuegen mean?

I think it means, "The campaign that precedes the good campaign."

If you could appear on the cover of any magazine, what would it be? What would be the headline?

Creativity. "Ancevic completes Kafka Questionnaire without making a total ass of himself."

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