Cannes it be Happening Again So Soon?

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The French, we have to come realize, are quite adept at preparing foodstuffs. The blue Mediterranean is -- whatayacallit? -- blue. It doesn't matter that a beer costs $12 when the Crain family is paying the tab. The little woman is getting a very nearly free vacation and the beach is filled with some of the most beautiful women that money can build. All in all, another week on the French Riviera should be junketalicious.
News, Photos, Audio and Video from Cannes
News, Photos, Audio and Video from Cannes

We'd rather staple our tongue to the doorjamb.

Cannes, as you are probably by now sick of hearing, represents almost everything we despise about advertising "creativity," because no matter how much the jury presidents protest every year, what gets screened -- and too often honored -- here is spectacle, novelty and entertainment value.

As opposed to genuine advertising ingenuity: the crafting of a solution for getting a selling message from an advertiser to a prospect for the purpose of selling shit to folks.

We've been through all of this before, of course. Go to the dustiest corner of the library and get our book, "And Now a few Words From Me" and just check out the introduction. It's the indictment-in-full of an industry that Lionizes all the wrong values in pursuit of gilded stautettes while the poor client sits in a windowless office somewhere sweating market share.

Speaking of dusty corners, last year we happened to wander in the Palais des Festival for the showing of the (inaccurately named) short list. There we found three 1,500-seat auditoriums filled to overflow -- whereupon we trudged up five floors to the digital-media screening room. This was a 200-seat auditorium filled not quite to overflow. When we took our seat, 193 others remained vacant. This, we believe, spoke eloquently to the vanity and denial of the teeming narcissists below, who don't even realize the the cult of the 30-second spot is a Jonestown proposition. Some day very soon, their corpses will be stacked three deep.

On the other hand, among the thousands of excreble entries at Cannes 2006, a small handful will be brilliant, surprising, inspiring and/or just plain marvelous -- the kind of work that awes us and, despite our bitterness and disgust, makes us keep coming back for more. Check in during the course of the week. Details to follow.
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