What Everyone Is Talking About Today

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NEW YORK ( -- The Oscars seems so long ago now; in the five days since the telecast, the situation in Iraq has worsened, the Dubai ports deal has torn up Washington, and Vanity Fair released an article featuring extensive interviews with Jack Abramoff. What? You don’t care? All right: Back to the Oscars. Dresses! Shoes! Secrets!

The celebrity weeklies’ latest issues obsess over the Academy Awards for all their worth -- and then some. Time Inc.’s category leader People makes a double issue of it, with a cover promising to reveal, natch, “OSCAR SECRETS!” Inside, a blog-like timeline tracks the whole Oscar Sunday, including a 10:30 a.m. session of pickup basketball for George Clooney.

More importantly, People translates what exactly Mel Gibson said when he spoke in Maya. “As for me I sit in the middle of the big forest,” he turns out to have said. “I am thinking ‘How is it possible for my blood to be taken again?’ As for me, I say, 'Not me! Not me!'"

Us Weekly, the runaway success from Wenner Media, also treats readers to a double issue. Fun photos inside show Pamela Anderson and Carmen Electra dancing and perhaps drunk, while a very practical page on Oscar freebies itemizes the contents of the presenters’ swag bags.

But for drama, turn to Life & Style Weekly from Bauer Publishing USA, whose cover pictures Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe under the legend “MARRIAGE CRISIS!”

In Touch Weekly, another Bauer title, somehow neglects the Oscars on its cover, as if anything could be more important. (One cover tease reports that “Paris gives skinny Nicole a cookie!”) Don’t worry if you’ve already bought it though; there’s plenty of Oscar inside.

And Star from American Media offers good Oscar gossip, with the exception of the “George Clooney Wears a Thong!” item. That we could have done without.

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