7 mega-merger ideas that are better than Jonah Peretti's media mega-merger idea
News item: BuzzFeed chief Jonah Peretti thinks BuzzFeed is, well, too small and not nearly powerful enough.
As The New York Times' Edmund Lee sums up in an article today titled "Founder's Big Idea to Revive BuzzFeed's Fortunes? A Merger With Rivals," Peretti thinks that "a larger entity could lobby for better business terms from Facebook and Google, and in turn supply them with videos and articles safe for users and friendlier for advertisers." Peretti tells Lee that he envisions BuzzFeed and "five of the other biggest companies ... combined into a bigger digital media company."
Great idea! But, to be honest, maybe not quite as great as these great ideas:
• A merger of Ronald McDonald, the Burger King and Colonel Sanders into one unstoppable fast-food spokescharacter, Supreme Leader Harland McSanders, who could command at least $14 for the Big Whopmac Bucket.
• A merger of the Super Bowl, the World Series and the NBA Finals into one mega sports event. Commercial rates would rocket from the current high (for the Super Bowl) of about $5 million per 30-second spot to at least $14.5 million. Throw the Ultimate Fighting Championship into the mix and we're talking $17 or $18 mil, easy.
• A combined HBO and Netflix—HBOflix—could totally kill off Showstarz, for starters.
• WPP's recent union of VML and Y&R to form VMLY&R would also be down with OTT (yeah, you know me) -- who's down with OTT? (Every last homie!) -- to form VMLY&ROTT.
• A merger of Fox News' "Hannity," Fox Business Network's "Lou Dobbs Tonight" and Pat Robertson's "The 700 Club" into one three-hour nightly religious revival/telethon to raise funds for President Trump's reelection and/or legal defense fund.
• A merger of "33 Products Under $10 You'll Really And Truly Use All The Time," "22 Products That Work Just As Well As Their Pricier Counterparts," "40 Things You'll Want To Blow Your Paycheck On Right Now" and "35 Cheap Things You'll Literally Never Get Sick Of Wearing"—all of which are listicles on the BuzzFeed homepage today (seriously)—to create the ultimate BuzzFeed magalisticle, obviating the need for 86 percent of BuzzFeed listicles.
• Googlebook (Googface? Still working on it) to strike a stronger bargaining position with Jonah Peretti's New Washington Vicefeed Times-Post.