After Rupert Murdoch's News Corp. bought MySpace, the site quietly blocked links to video site YouTube (then reversed itself after a user revolt), then launched a competitive video-hosting service. Other stuff secretly blocked?
A. Sentences like "George Bush is the best president ever!"-because News Corp.'s Fox News has already cornered the market on those statements.
B. Images of sweaty dudes in jerseys, short shorts, and colorful striped calf-length socks hugging each other-because News Corp. owns the National Rugby League.
C. The Peter Griffin sex tape.
D. All references to Australia, which Murdoch personally owns.
MSNBC's Tucker Carlson recently declared that "Everybody in journalism is pro-choice, pro-gun control and for gay marriage." What else is true?
A. Everybody in journalism, if they weren't atheists, would be praying right now that Carlson won't have children.
B. Everybody in journalism thinks Tucker Carlson and George Will would make an adorable couple-the best May-December romance since Ashton and Demi.
C. Everybody in journalism doesn't need a gun, because their Nana could beat Tucker up with one hand tied behind her back.
D. Everybody in journalism hates bow ties.
Recently, when Starbucks announced a deal to promote the movie "Akeelah and the Bee" by selling the soundtrack, DVDs and preview tickets, the chain's chairman said, "We believe that Starbucks can ultimately change the rules of the game for film marketing." Some planned innovations:
A. DVDs to cost three times as much as they do elsewhere.
B. Interminable wait to buy soundtracks, etc., as ***hole in front of you takes forever to customize his order.
C. Protective cardboard sleeve for "hot" new releases.
D. "Short" tickets for kids, "tall" tickets for adults, and "grande" tickets for the clinically obese.
People scored a cover shot of Angelina Jolie pregnant with Brad Pitt's baby by making a $400,000 "donation" to Yele Haiti, one of Jolie's favorite charities. Other charitable plans:
A. Ebony to donate $40,000 to Oprah's Angel Network-to get exclusive shot of Steadman emerging from hot tub.
B. Star to give $400,000 to the Church of Scientology-to get exclusive pic of Katie Holmes' next cold-sore outbreak.
C. Modern Maturity to donate $4,000 to the Kaballah Centre-to get shot of Madonna's stretch marks.
D. Gawker to donate $4 to Radar 's Maer Roshan-to buy a Frappucino.
Match.com just launched MindFindBind(tm), a guide for single people that it created with Dr. Phil. Other Dr. Phil media products:
A. LameShameGame(tm) -Dr. Phil berates and humiliates you on the Web, just like he does to his TV guests.
B. YellHellMotel(tm)-Dr. Phil gives a series of motivational speeches at airport Ramada Inns.
C. BegrudgePudgeJudge(tm)-Dr. Phil makes fat people cry.
D. StupidCupid(tm)-Dr. Phil fixes you up with his cousin.
Nielsen just changed its ratings system to include "live + same day" ratings (shows watched within 24 hours of being recorded on a DVR) and "live + 7" ratings (watched within a week). To further reflect how real viewers watch TV, Nielsen is also rolling out:
A. Live + Snowball and Miss Rumples love watching Animal Planet (it's so cute!), so we leave it on for them while we're out.
B. Live + mute.
C. Live + spilled guacamole ruined remote; now stuck on one channel.
D. Live + not really watching at all due to slight coma from eating entire pint of H„agen- Dazs.
Extrapolating from the core concept behind "Skating with Celebrities"-famous people might get badly hurt!-Fox also plans on:
A. Having Clay Aiken star on "Prison Break."
B. "The OC: Shark Week!"
C. "So You Think You Can Drive?" starring Dakota Fanning.
D. Asking Bill O'Reilly to appear on Letterman again.
ANSWER KEY: As James Frey knows, all truth is relative.
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