Just in case the FBI wants to rebrand its 'Crossfire Hurricane' investigation, 7 suggestions

By Published on .

You've really gotta feel for Mick Jagger & Co. They just can't seem to avoid getting dragged into Trump drama.

In 2016 and 2017, Team Trump kept on appropriating Rolling Stones music (see "What Trump's Refusal to Stop Using Rolling Stones Songs Says About Him"). And today, via a New York Times scoop headlined "Code Name Crossfire Hurricane: The Secret Origins of the Trump Investigation," we learned that the FBI chose a Rolling Stones lyric to internally brand its Trump-Russia investigation. Here it is in context in "Jumpin' Jack Flash":

I was born in a crossfire hurricane
And I howled at the maw in the drivin' rain
But it's all right now, in fact, it's a gas
But it's all right, I'm Jumpin' Jack Flash
It's a gas, gas, gas

("Crossfire Hurricane" is also the title of a 2012 documentary about the Stones.)

The Twittersphere, naturally, is rather amused. To wit:

Meanwhile, the Rolling Stones are presumably ... less amused.

Anyway, as secret code names go, Crossfire Hurricane is not half-bad—but now that the cat's out of the bag, the FBI obviously needs new internal branding (for what's morphed into, basically, Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation).

Here, 7 suggestions to start with (you're welcome, Mr. Mueller):

1. Clusterfuck Sharknado
2. Shitstorm Alpha
3. Mar-a-Lame-o Coastal Flooding
4. Trussian Thundersnow
5. Stale Cheetos Bomb Cyclone
6. Onaldday Umptray Ollusioncay
7. Operation You Can't Always Get What You Want, But If You Try Sometime, You Might Find You Get What You Need

Most Popular