The Kafka Questionnaire

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Michelle Novella Sassa, Associate Creative Director, Berlin Cameron/Red Cell, N.Y.

What's the title and plot of the next hit reality TV show?

Celebrity Autopsies: "See inside the stars like never before!"

Would you stand on line for eight hours to see a George Lucas movie?

Yes, but only during a workday.

What would Ronald McDonald's name be if he had a sex change?

Mariah Carey.

You're pitching the Hanes Edible Panties account. What's your tagline?

"Melts in your mouth, not in your pants."

What product are you waiting to see on a 30-minute infomercial?

The State of the Union Address.

What would you wear while working with Betty Crocker Supermoist German Cake Mix?

Tampax. If I can swim and ride a horse in them, I can definitely crack a few eggs.

If 50 Cent has a brother named Two for a Dolla, what's their sister's name?

Gold Card.

If you had an ad on the back of your fortune cookie fortune, what would it say?

"I sneezed in your rice. (A public service message from the Centers for Disease Control.)"

What's the female equivalent of Mountain Dew?

The Barney's Warehouse Sale.

What's the name of the most popular show on Viacom's upcoming the Penis Channel?

Yo! MTV Crabs!

Would disgraced former N.Y. Times reporter Jayson Blair make a good copywriter?

No. People were able to see through his b.s.

Summarize the plot of The Matrix Reloaded in one sentence.

Keanu Reeves explores all the different ways to deliver the line "Whoa!"

Is there a boys' club at your agency?

Of course. And I'm not just a member, I'm also the president.

Have you ever had a Coke and a smile?

Yes, but you should see me after a six-pack.

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