The Kafka Questionnaire

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Is Casual Friday too casual?

Nope. (Thursday is Thong Day at The Concept Farm.)

What kind of foods would be in an HDTV dinner?

Something just as accessible and popular as HDTV itself: hippopotamus testicles

How is a can of Pringles like the human condition?

It too has an average life span of 78 years.

Invent the most preposterous corporate name for a sports stadium.

The Imodium Bowl.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?


Who would you like to see in the next Fox Celebrity Boxing special?

Marlon Brando vs. one of his chins.

Why does every radio ad end with 20 seconds of speed-blabbered fine print?

You gotta get something creative in the spot.

What's next for the Coors Twins?

14 minutes, 56 seconds . . . 57 seconds . . . 58 seconds . . .

Should fat kids be allowed to sue their parents?

Goodness, no. But they should have the option of eating them.

Pete Townshend or Paul Reubens; who would make a better babysitter?

I've had both. Paul was better, he took me to the movies.

When Oprah Winfrey starts her own country, what will she name it?

The Isle of Boooring has a nice ring to it.

There's a singer named Nivea; who's the next product-named pop star and what's the hit titled?

MC Preparation H: "Bust a Cap in Yo' Ass."

Why is everyone in New York pulling a tiny bag on wheels?

Emotional baggage has actually spilled over.

Write a slogan for Tommy Franks brand hot dogs.

"They plump when you nuke 'em."

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