The Kafka Questionnaire

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What would your name be if you were named after your first dog and the street you grew up on?

Truffles PineGrove.

What's your favorite type of "guerrilla" advertising?

The kind that doesn't spit.

Do you ever have time for a Snickers?

Why do you think I sent just a headshot?

Has the '70s funk revival gone too far?

Not until Eminem opens for Dan Fogelberg.

How is a container of Pringles like the human condition?

Both work for no logical reason.

What's the worst package design of all time?

Hot Pockets. No, Lean Pockets, "Now with more flavor."

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"How'd you get to be so good?"

Is the internet everything you were hoping it would be?

No, but neither am I.

Why does every radio ad end with 20 seconds of speed-blabbered fine print?

Lawyers gotta eat.

What's the most preposterous rock tour corporate sponsor and what's the name of the tour?

Ron Popeil presents The Promise Keepers' "Workin' My Way Back To You" Global Tour.

Should Michael Jordan be cloned?

Ask Juanita.

John Ashcroft: Boxers or briefs?


Chicago needs a new nickname. What should it be?

The Town Jack Palance Forgot.

If you decided to kill all the Keebler Elves, how would you do it?

A Snackwells-only diet.

What's the best thing about a Chicago winter?

The Cubs remain unbeaten.

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