The Kafka Questionnaire

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What would your name be if you were named after your first dog and the street you grew up on?

Notorious Mosholu Parkway.

"Yeah, we've got the good stuff." Whose tagline?

Saddam Hussein.

Would you stand on line for eight hours to see a George Lucas movie?

No, but I'd stand on line for eight hours to see Dr. Laura interviewed on The Isaac Mizrahi Show.

What kind of foods would be in an HDTV dinner?

No food, just menus.

What could they do to liven up the Super Bowl halftime show?

Read Proust aloud.

Invent the most preposterous corporate name for a sports stadium.

Vagisil Ballpark.

What would Vin Diesel's name be if he were a girl?

Ethel Mertz.

What's the worst package design of all time?

Michael Jackson.

What would Ronald McDonald's name be if he had a sex change?

David Gest.

What's the nastiest thing you ever said to a client?

"I didn't know the Valley of Death included a conference table."

Who would you like to see in the next Fox Celebrity Boxing special?

Bill O'Reilly vs. the Scrubbing Bubbles.

Who should have won American Idol?

A sock puppet.

What's a more accurate way of saying "corporate identity"?

"Your merger here."

Can you design without a computer?

I was taught to chew with my mouth closed. Let's leave it at that.

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