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Just one month after Microsoft and NBC unveiled MSNBC, the two partners already are searching out a new name for their cable news channel. MSNBC, complains NBC News President Andy Lack, "sounds like something you get from bad Chinese food."

God save the queen. And the Internet. Firecrest Group, a London Internet company, is starting the first European World Wide Web search service, the Global Online Directory. G.O.D. ( lets users "untangle the net," as Firecrest puts it. British Airways is sponsoring G.O.D. in the airline's first Internet deal. Will G.O.D. grant access to our favorite immoral sites?

Master Lock bowled us over again Sunday with the message that its lock is bulletproof. So what happens if some guy, or felonious female, blasts the lock on your garage? Unless the shooter is a marksman who avoids damaging the key shaft, Master Lock confirms the gaping, gnarled hole likely will leave the lock inoperable. And your car will be entombed for eternity.

Punjab Wireless, an Indian phone company, this month ran newspaper ads comparing Hitler to pagers. "The Fuehrer of the Third Reich, he was all of 5-foot-3," said the ad. And then: "Vortec pager. The most powerful pager is also the smallest." The ad, headlined "Reincarnation," caused little distress among Indians but more protests among foreigners. "None of us expected any controversy," said Sunil Sachdeva, director of Punjab's New Delhi agency, Capital Advertising. "It was done with good intent, not to get cheap mileage." Of course. The ad's been pulled.

So Procter & Gamble's olestra causes diarrhea and cramps. Should P&G do a cross-promotion with Pepto-Bismol?....Muse Cordero Chen, the Los Angeles multi-ethnic agency, is talking with Hispanic shops about a possible merger....Do we know her? Glenda Bailey, who leaves as editor of British Marie Claire to take the same slot in the U.S., was the first person to appear in British ads for the American Express corporate card....New York Life promotes a new name for its health insurance company, NYLCare. "Pronounced `nile-care,"' said the ad. Which rhymes with "denial-care." Don't say "nil-care," a name that means nothing....GQ offers "GQ's First (and Last) Swimsuit Cover"-featuring S.I. cover-swimmer Tyra Banks....Robert Baird Jr. exits as category general manager on Wet Wipes at Scott Paper to become brand manager at Cadillac on Seville and Eldorado. From one set of Pampered customers to another?.... Disneyland has promoted marketing exec Scott Tanner to the new job of Director of Synergy. Tanner also becomes Walt Disney Co.'s "synergy spokesperson."

Compiled by Bradley Johnson with news from Mir Maqbool Alam Khan, Scott Donaton, Steve Downer, Jeff Jensen, Keith J. Kelly, Todd Pruzan, Chuck Ross, Michael Wilke and Debra Aho Williamson.

Got an Adage? Tell Brad by phone, (213) 651-3710, ext. 111; fax, (213) 655-8157; or email, [email protected]

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