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The prize: Two million of those pink "While You Were Out" pads that no one uses anymore. The ad: This thinking man's latrine for Echobuzz. The verdict: The Tidy-Bowl Man. The Ty-De-Bowl Man. The Tie-D-Bowl Man. The Ti-Dee-Bowl Man. The Tye-Dee-Bowl Man. We got a stallful of such responses, and not a single one of you got it right: Ty-D-Bol, for the love of God! We've turned all your names over to the trademark police, so you'd better get your papers in order.

Free Joe Weider Nexerciser with every Echobuzz sign-up. Includes motivational video.

Kihm D. Winship -- [email protected]

Good guess, Kihm, but this is more likely a scene from Billy Blanks' new Tae Bowl tape.

You know how you can hear the sea if you hold a conch shell up to your ear? You can produce a similar effect by tying a toilet bowl to your forehead.

Cynthia Maniglia -- [email protected]

Cyn, we tried this with a New York bowl, but it sounded more like the A train during rush hour. The smell was right, though.

An expert bit of retouching saves the general public from seeing this man dressed in a studded leather-and-latex captain's uniform, brandishing a blue scented whip in one hand and a can of canola oil in the other.

David Newton -- [email protected]

Isn't that better than seeing him with his shirt off?

I didn't know Marlon Brando did ads. Do you guys have his agent's number?

J. Frederick -- [email protected]

Sorry, Brando hasn't got an agent anymore. He ate him.

This guy wasn't too well during the photo shoot; he was feeling a little flush in the face.

Rich Bennett -- [email protected]

Rich, you're our kind of guy. Come over anytime for an icy pitcher of Vanish martinis.

Parapsychological studies have proven porcelain is a great amplifier of telepathic abilities, thus making it possible for someone to receive any message regardless of whether the sender is in our physical reality or beyond.

Karin Odell -- [email protected]

Thanks for the tip, Karin. We're in the men's room all day now, having a torrid mindmail affair with Shirley MacLaine.

Someone has finally come up with a voicemail product loud enough to be heard by people who suffer from the hearing loss that occurs with 'rope burn ear.' Every time I try the 'head-head hoist,' I experience profound hearing loss.

Bill Murphy -- [email protected]


Shampoo-induced orgasms in gas station bathrooms. Ex-senators pushing boner pills. Fragrance bottle intercourse. And now an attempt to foist voicemail on the sex-crazed public. We must stop the perversity before the world degenerates into a twisted, racy place where entire campaigns revolve around the word shag.

Jefferson Kiely -- [email protected]

Fragrance bottle intercourse? Yeah, baby! Shalimar-idelic!

That's the professional wrestler who was in charge of Owen Hart's rappel line. He now grapples in this mask to avoid being recognized.

Craig Morgan

[email protected]

You must be talking about Flusher Verdu. The weird thing is, when he does an airplane spin in Australia, he goes counterclockwise.

Cold porcelain is a wonderful hangover remedy.

Jack Helder -- [email protected]

Sure, Jack. And standing barefoot for 10 hours in a urinal is great for fallen arches.

This man has a shameful fetish. He likes to be tied up with a toilet bowl pressed against his pate. Echobuzz allows him to contact his providers in secret.

Shana Lory -- [email protected]

Shana, as a woman, you should know that the only shameful thing about this fetish is he doesn't put the damn seat down.

He asked his HMO dentist for porcelain bonding.

Allen Gallehugh -- [email protected]

Al, you've got big wisdom teeth. Just the other day we asked our HMO dentist what we should do for gingivitis, and he said, "Simple: switch to vodka." You can keep the two million pads. We can't find any homeless men here -- they've all gone to the Hamptons till Labor Day.

This Month's Contest

Win an all-expenses-paid weekend at Ladder Company 5 in the South Bronx!

"Caution: This new Playtex bra causes spontaneous combustion." The tiny copy tells us the new line of Playtex Now bras has a "higher temperature," and the "new sassy look" is only $10. "Is it getting hot in here?" Yeah, it is. 'Cause we've got a frontal lobe fever from trying to figure this out. Snap your straps at [email protected] Contest not open to anyone who's seen Jane

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