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Is this where Lassie had her chest done? You're staring in wide-eyed wonder at the best cosmetic surgery ad in the history of print advertising, courtesy of Miami Beach's Brandon E. Kallman, M.D. The copy, written in canine ebonics -- "Ya know just a few weeks ago, she wuz tellin' me dat life would be lonely with my sad puppy eyes" -- explains that eyelid surgery is the way to become a "real show dog." Two paws up.

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Gratuitous Composite of the Month goes to the Jeep Grand Cherokee for this snow-capped atrocity, in which a jumbo jet passes within two feet of a mountaintop. We won't know how this happened until they recover the black box.

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New York agency Christy MacDougall Mitchell has a helpful new spot for a record store called Meridian's Music: A guy at the DMV sits at his desk and meticulously sharpens a bunch of pencils so they are the exact length of his penis. He hands one to a jailbaitish babe, who licks the tip before writing. The guy almost dies from pleasure. So girls, please remember: If a man hands you a

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