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Contest #422: Zaren't zoo zick of zis Zima zidiot? Okay, maybe the "zpokesman" for Coors Brewing Co.'s new "ClearMalt" product succeeded in getting our attention, but now don't you wish he would just go away? And while we're at it, let's zap Bud Light's "Yes, I am" dork while we're at it. A word of advice to beer and spirits marketers-stick to selling sex and stay away from irritant marketing. It's so maddening it's ... well, it's driving us to drink, actually. TNTers: come up with the next company to launch an "irritant" marketing campaign.

And now for the results of Contest #418: We asked you for the next marketer whose seemingly benign ad campaign actually promotes anti-social behavior among kids (Whew! Aren't you glad that sentence is over?). And:

First Prize: Rev. Donald Wildmon believes that the concept of buying a "kiss" of Hershey's Chocolate desensitizes children to physical love and may be a contributing factor to the rise in teen prostitution. He suggests a new name: "Hershey's Handshakes: The tiny chocolate acquaintances you'll really like, but not love, since you can only love God and people." Jack Huber, proofreader, Kings-wood Advertising, Ardmore, Pa.

Second Prize: Trix Cereal. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) will finally protest the TV commercials in which, for years, children have callously been denying a poor, starving rabbit the breakfast he so craves. Jeff Walter, copywriter, Vital Communications, Lexington. Ky.

Third Prize: Sociologists cite Snoopy's seduction! Studies show that the lovable MetLife spokesdog actually recruits children into lives of misery as insurance salesmen. The FTC draws a parallel to Joe Camel and quickly launches an investigation. Chris Paramoure, president, Paramedia, Goleta, Calif.

Honorable Intentions: Chevy Chase spots for Dorito's: Teaches kids that society rewards mediocrity, inactivity and failure. This ain't the '70s. Phil Frankenfeld, freelance writer, Milwaukee.

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