ON THE WEB: A throne fit for royalty

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Have you ever sat in your bathroom and wondered aloud, "Where's my lavatory beer fridge? And what about my flat-panel toilet TV? I thought this thing was called a throne?" Well, you're not alone, my friend. To that end, Roto-Rooter has stepped up to the plate in order to lift one lucky winner out of those deuce-dropping doldrums and onto the ultimate fantasy crapper. This "Pimped Out John" features a Philips 20-inch LCD TV, Xbox 360, a laptop computer, and iPod with a toilet paper dispenser outfitted with an iPod dock, a keg fridge with beer tap and more, if that's possible. They're even throwing in a bike pedal exerciser to keep your blood circulating and avoid debilitating pins and needles of the legs. We're still not sure if this is the best or worst thing to happen to the commode since Thomas Crapper heard that first flush back in 1898. What we do know is that it will surely lead to dinner guests disappearing for hours at a time and plunge germ-a-phobes into a paranoid state of shock at the sight of so many toilet-based touchable surfaces. Wash your hands!
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