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, Group Creative Director, FCB Worldwide, Costa Mesa, Calif.

Celebrity Spokesman Death Match: Larry King vs. Naomi Campbell. Who wins, and why?

No fair. Larry King has been dead for years. Just look at him. His show is just some sort of bizarre rigor mortis effect perpetuated by the crack production staff at CNN.

Celebrity Death Match 2: The Animals. Louie the Lizard vs. the Taco Bell Chihuahua. Who wins?

The Chihuahua is nothing without the Kentucky Colonel and that spicy Pizza Hut delivery minx. Louie in 4.

You're making dinner for Lee Clow and Jeff Goodby. What's on the menu?

I don't know, but I wear a nice frilly number.

Are you prepared for Y2K? How?

Yes. Quite. But you'll have to administer the Kafka urinalysis to find out how.

What do you think Joe Camel is doing these days?

Kidnapping children, tying them up and forcing them to smoke cigarettes. Just like always.

Name your dream client.

I heard about an academy for porn stars the other day. Imagine the radio.

What should never be advertised?

There's a Mexican restaurant in central Florida that comes to mind.

Write a slogan for George W. Bush.

There's a whole campaign just in the W. What does it stand for? "Where's the party?"

How about Al Gore?


Who would you put in an ad purely for the chance to meet them?

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