First Stop Mickey D's, Next Stop Grauman's Chinese Theater?

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McDonald's created 24 celebrities on Mar. 15 when it unveiled the first round of bags and cups featuring the winners of its Global Casting Call contest. Three of the winners were on hand at McDonald's launch event held in Chicago, including Ocean Smith, an 11-year-old trumpet player from Chicago; Xavier Cotto Bartolomei, a 20-year-old drummer from Toa Baja, Puerto Rico; and Lesley Dahl, a 50-something hiker from Alberta, Canada. The new packages will roll out worldwide later this month starting in the U.S and Canada.
One way to fame: You want fries with that?.
One way to fame: You want fries with that?.

So far, none of the winners have heard from the "Tonight Show" or "Late Show With David Letterman."

Nearly a year in the making, the "citizen celebrities" will have their mugs seen "billions and billions" of times on "millions and millions" of McDonald's cups and bags. Therein was the draw for the 13,000 people ranging in age from 5 to 85 who entered the contest with a digital photo and essay of 100 or fewer words. McDonald's selected 25 winners in August, including a woman who rappels from her wheelchair, a professional street luger (no doubt the very picture of sanity), a ballerina, a swing-dance champion and a crossing-guard mom. All won a weeklong trip to London for the photo session, which was run by lifestyle lensman Nick Clements.

Ocean Smith celebrated his 11th birthday during the London trip. His passion is playing his signature red trumpet. Why red? "Because it sticks out." He dressed like a jazz-club regular for his debut, sporting a T-shirt with a vintage Mayor McCheese image, a newsboy cap and a sport coat several sizes too large for his frame. He hopes to be a professional actor, calling Will Smith his idol. "He has the same ears as me," he said, pulling on his own.

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be commies
In other American-as-apple-pie news, Adages received in the mail this week a copy of "How to Raise an American" by Myrna Blyth and Chriss Winston. Published by Crown Forum and on sale March 20, it's a practical guide to help parents "fight back against anti-American sentiment and instill patriotism in our children." Blyth, of course, is the former editor of Ladies' Home Journal who penned "Spin Sisters: How the Women of the Media Sell Unhappiness -- and Liberalism -- to the Women of America." (Say that three times fast.) Winston, according to the press release, "was the first woman to head the White House Office of Speechwriting."

Adages is a big fan of Blyth, whom we've met a couple of times, precisely because she's loudmouthed and confrontational and, well, we thought "Spin Sisters" was a hoot. So we've started reading this book.

Of course, the too-cool-for-school set will chuckle at the mere title of the book. Can't get any more square than sincerity, after all -- unless it's sincerity and patriotism. Eww! Reviewers undoubtedly will remind us all about Blyth's whacky theories about the "liberal media." And she's quick to point fingers in that general direction in this book as well -- which is probably a savvy play on her part. While we coastal folks might screech about Rupert's evil empire, 64% of American voters see a liberal taint to their daily news feeds according to a Zogby poll, which also found two-thirds of independent voters see it as well.

At any rate, Adages is all for sincerity and teaching kids to love a country so great that we can get paid to make fun of subliterate homophobes complaining to the FCC and Simon Dumenco can make a fool of crazy Ann Coulter. Better they learn some civics lessons from their parents (and Blyth and Wilson) at a young age so they don't turn into dirty little commies -- or, much worse, snotty little postmodern moral relativists (at least the commies believe in something). Besides, that $100,000 college education you're saving up for will teach them plenty about the Evils Amerikkka.

Contributing: Kate MacArthur

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