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Back in February, you passed judgment on 12-year-old Dakota Fanning for Marc Jacobs. Let's go back to the juvie future with this American Apparel ad, found in Ocean Drive, the big glossy mag of Miami's party people. (To get a fuller perspective before voting, you may want to visit American Apparel's Provocative Ads page.) Rate it on the Rate the Ad-o-mometer's six-degree scale of excellence, with 5 being the top score: 5 World-changing, 4 Great, 3 Good, 2 Fair, 1 Forgettable, 0 Actively Annoying. And feel free to comment on the photography, the art direction, the brand, whatever. This is not a bad scan, by the way; the b&w photo is that grainy. Click the ad to play.

Two (Bulbous) Big Toes Up
Two (Bulbous) Big Toes Up
Last week's Rate the Ad. Generally, you can't get a consensus on anything around here, but just about everyone agrees this is the "Uma Thurman as directed by Quentin Tarantino" of pedicures. The feet are another story. But for a handful, if you'll pardon the phrase, of discerning foot fetishists, this ad is hoofin' it to Weirdsville, and there's a tin of Skoal Chewbacca waiting for the anonymous Curmudgeon of the Week, who writes, "Next time they should use a nicer set of feet — instead of taking the time to shave a Wookie." Add rolled-up mat confusion and a semi-bizarre product benefit (see below), and Birkenstock still triumphs with a handicapped Good/Bad ratio on the Rate the Ad-o-mometer of 54/46 — it must be a hippie thing. Anyway, here are the results.

5 World-changing 1%
4 Great 13%
3 Good 22%
2 Fair 18%
1 Forgettable 30%
0 Actively Annoying 16%

And here are the fave responses.

4 It's about time they killed the hippie mystique.

0 Since when are dirty hippies interested in fitness?

1 Birkenstocks complement my bong, not my fitness.

1 Is anyone out there really worried about untoned feet?

4 Totally arresting. Succinct, believable message.

0 Don't I have enough other body parts to worry about toning?

4 The photo makes you want to read the copy, and the copy makes you go, "Hmmm . . . toned feet would be nice." Clean design and props to the foot model.

1 What percentage of people do you think won't recognize that's a yoga mat?

1 I don't get it. Is that supposed to be a yoga mat? It's a little deep for those of us in the ADHD seats.

0 What the hell is that thing hanging from her foot? A mailing tube? A sleeping bag pad? A tiny trapeze?

0 Is that a toe flosser?

1 Why a yoga mat? This would have been far better if the foot was holding a dumbbell.

3 This little piggy went to yoga. Nice.

3 Good copy. Still, her toes are a little too far apart for me.

2 Not that I have a foot fetish, but does this product make your big toe look like you're growing another head?

0 The toes look like tulip bulbs. My first thought was, Is this an ad for a Japanese morgue?

3 The mat is distracting. However, if Birkenstocks can make my feet look like this, I'm going to buy a pair now!

3 This ad is so Birkenstock it actually smells like patchouli.

0 She needs peep toe gloves for those babies. I am totally distracted by those ugly pedal extremities.

5 I never really had a thing for feet before, but, boy, those are NICE feet.
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