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We have proof that human cloning has already occurred. With the exception of one closing line about the cel phone as "social plumage," a dead ringer for Dennis Miller (Fig. 1) phones in three painfully wooden performances devoid of any mordant social commentary in a new campaign for BellSouth Mobility. We don't want to go off on a rant here, but using clones of supposedly cutting edge comedians to make lame commercials is kind of hitting below the Borscht belt, wouldn't you say? Print Ad of the Month goes to this dazzler (Fig. 2) for a shoe brand called Kickers. We normally don't ladle out credits at QC, but this ad is actually signed by the agency, one Needleman Pilla of New York. We'd kick you while you're down, Needleman, but our clogs would fall off. Brain of the Month Club Featured Selection (Fig. 3) is from an ad for the StarSight electronic program guide, convolutedly headlined "A simple graph to illustrate the percentage of TV and VCR manufacturers that carry StarSight. And the percentage that don't." Amid a sea of brain-based ads-Esquire, The New York Times et al.-this one stands out thanks to the contributions of co-CD Jef Loeb of San Francisco agency Katsin/Loeb. Never a medulla moment, Jef! A while back QC remarked on a Pontiac spot that starred Munch's Screamer, and we predicted that soon Picasso's Les Demoiselles d'Avignon would be piling into a BMW. Well, we were damn close. A recent ad in The Wall Street Journal for Cadence Design Systems has a lovely though completely gratuitous version of the happy hookers (Fig. 4) as a bunch of cubist cube drones, under the Blue Period headline "We'll help you get it." In fact, the only reference to this elaborate image is found at the bottom of the copy: "So if you feel like you're simply painting over the problem . . ." But never argue with great art, at least not until going Dutch means your wearing clogs. Sorry, Needleman, we couldn't resist needling you. Runner-up for Print Ad of the Month goes to San Francisco's Odiorne Wilde Narraway Groome for local client Wilderness Taxidermy (Fig. 5) in a blatant attempt to horn in on awards consideration. Headline: "Not politically correct. Just anatomically." Is that a fact! This water buffalo not only has no fucking balls, he hasn't even got a pubic bone to hang 'em on. Speaking of balls, congratulations to the American Cancer Society and New York's Shapiro Design Associates for the creation of Luke Lion, the arch nemesis of Joe Camel. Luke (Fig. 6) is spearheading a new campaign to turn elementary school kids off those filthy 'baccy sticks before they figure out how to flick a safety Bic. Just one problem: Luke's face resembles a vagina. And while we're on the subject of smoke, thanks to Waiting to Exhale (it's that Mad Ave lag effect) for the coolest new print trend, blondes with their heads thrown back, sensually dribbling spectral clouds of airborne contaminants. It works with cigarettes for Camel (Fig. 7) and it works even better with cigars for Puros Indios (Fig. 8). Captain Black is now recruiting. And while we're on the subject of print trends and bleached blondes, we must award a Golden Toilet Brush to the totally fabulous Jenny McCarthy, who is out of the water closet in her Candie's (Fig. 9) to legitimize what is sure to be the print photography trend of the year: hot babes sitting on the pot. Spec's Music offers a startling variation on this theme, with an extra roll of bathroom tissue (as it's known in the trade) handily placed between the loo lovely's legs (Fig. 10). Jenny, we'll leave the seat down for you anytime. We knew it had to happen. Just how many martinis can you imbibe before you have a teeny one too many? Mr. Jenkins is missing from a new Tanqueray ad (Fig. 11). There's a great party going on with a lot of cool cutouts really cutting up, and he didn't make it. QC did a little investigating, and sure enough he checked into the Betty Ford Clinic a few weeks ago. A speedy recovery to you, Mr. J., and when you get out, for God's sake, stick to
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