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Client: Hillshire Farms Agency: Ammirati & Puris/Lintas

As every guy knows, you can't take yourself too seriously when it comes to weenies. And surely the sight of a weenie, or ever the mere mention of one, must also make most women smile. That's why you can never go wrong with self-effacing humor. You gotta love a company that loves to showoff its weenies at cocktail parties.

Client: Mazda

Agency: FCB/Los Angeles and Santa Ana, Calif.

Director: Doug Taub, Petermann/Moss

This is how they saved the account? Or is this just a new model-the 1996 Mazda LSD? It looks like some silly film you'd put together for the Dealer's convention. The commercial has everything: fireworks, cool locations, a woman with reptilian eyes and not an idea in sight. But hey, if it saved the account who cares that they had to sell their soul to the devil to do it?

Client: The Wyoming Division of Tourism Agency: Riddell Advertising & Design

Simple is beautiful. There's nothing earth-shattering about this campaign, there's no trick photography, there's no edgy typeface. There's just awe-inspiring beauty that invites you to visit each ad. They are written with such sensibility, however, that they raise one minor question; why did the writer assume that "the first person to see these mountains" was a "he"? And not for PC's sake, but only because "she" would have made it a little more interesting. Simply beautiful.

Client: Gateway 2000 Agency: Carmichael LynchDirector: Peter O'Fallon, Crossroads

Buried somewhere in this mess is the nugget of an idea:two low-lifes figured there'd be so much traffic leading to the Gateway 2000 complex that it would be the perfect spot for a souvenir stand. Surprise, surprise, Gateway is a phone-order business, and their plan is foiled.

I didn't get it until I watched it for the second time and by then I couldn't see, think clearly or hear clearly. Does Gateway 2000 make and sell their own computers or do they also sell others? Why should I use Gateway 2000? What are those two cretins talking about that has absolutely nothing to do with anything? What a mess.

Client: Schick Agency: J. Walter Thompson/New York

Director: Chico and Linda Bialas, Axel Productions, Paris

I guess there's an idea here but they stopped short of giving it any impact. Instead they reverted to just using another babe to sell another shaving product. And it's nowhere near the all-time standard by which shaving products will forever be judged-Noxzema's "Take it off. Take it all off."

And besides, now they've let the whole world know that there are never any blades in those razors-that even the guys in shaving commercials start off with a clean-shaven face. Thanks a lot. Now you've ruined everything.

Client: Egg Beaters Agency: FCB/Leber Katz Partners/New York

When it comes to eggs, design is everything. These ads are, if nothing else, a designer's envy. And unfortunately, that's the one problem: there's nothing else in terms of a compelling message.

I know I've been given this same information by everything from bananas to bank ads.

As much as I like to look at the ads they b'egg a question: just how much fat is there in a shell egg and is it enough for me to really care? I don't think so,

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