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They all have half-baked ideas

Intercepted memo telling agency types how to portray the client in ads: "He is creative . . . unpredictable . . . an imp . . . He not only walks and talks, but has the ability to sing, blush, wink and work with little devices like pointers." Ross Perot? "He is not a shill or a salesman." OK, so it's not the former prez candidate. "He can also play music instruments . . . His walking motion is characterized as a 'swagger'. . . He is made of dough and has mass." Bill Clinton? "He is not portly . . . Rear views do not include buns." OK, ix-nay Mr. Bill. Who's the client? The Pillsbury Doughboy. Harper's June issue excerpts the guidelines, sent to creatives developing commercials.

'Ellen' ads? You make the call

Chrysler boycotted the "Ellen" coming-out episode, but it let callers to its 1-800-763-8422 customer line vote on its decision to place a spot for Jeep on the May 7 episode. Callers could press 1 if they agreed with the decision, 2 if they disagreed. Chrysler says it received "hundreds" of calls by late last week, pretty evenly split. "Ellen" last week actually had two spots for Jeep-one from Chrysler, and one that promoed a "Prime Time Live" piece about Jeeps with allegedly sticky gas pedals.

Mag performs liposuction on ad

Calif.'s Orange Coast delayed launch of its new Orange County Woman title by a day to cut out an ad from all 50,000 copies. The ad promoted cosmetic surgeon Earle W. Matory Jr. It seems the good doctor had his license pulled following the death of a patient after 10 hours of liposuction and surgery.

Minor comments on a major move

How fast did sponsorships for the new cable ZDTV channel come together? One of the 11 $200,000 corporate sponsors didn't get pitched by Ziff-Davis till the Friday before last Tuesday's announcement. Another is known to be having second thoughts about the value of being a corporate sponsor. Meanwhile, Halsey Minor, boss at Web and TV producer CNET, contends tech advertisers are more interested in using prime-time shows like "Seinfeld" to reach a mass audience than they are in using TV to reach a niche computer crowd. Minor says CNET long ago scrapped the idea of launching a computer cable channel because the future is in giving PC users content on the Web. A ZDTV insider, meanwhile, says the channel is interested in buying TV content from CNET. Says Minor: "I don't think so."

Changing Tide . . .

Bay watch

Procter & Gamble this month told employees they were free to wear "business-appropriate" casual attire every day, meaning casual is formally the rule at the most button-down company in the universe. Enough, already. Adages encourages our friends to wear gray flannel suits on Fridays just to be contrary. . . . Will Euro RSCG Dahlin Smith White keep its new client at Bay? Good luck. Jeff Brooks, who jumped from Digital to VP-brand mktg. at Bay Networks, seems intent on shaking up the troubled brand. Note: In previous jobs, Brooks has hired Hill Holliday. Twice.M

Compiled by Bradley Johnson with news from Alice Z. Cuneo, Jean Halliday, Ann Marie Kerwin, Jack Neff, Judann Pollack and Scott Donaton.

Got an Adage? Tell Brad by phone, (213) 651-3710, ext. 111; fax, (213) 655-8157;

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