The Kafka Questionnaire

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What is it about the green ones?

They taste better than the Queen Mother.

What flavor Gatorade does Gary Condit sweat?

Cheese & Onion.

What company should hire Hedwig and the Angry Inch to promote its product?

Pfizer Industries.

Now that MTV is 20, tell us where you were when you first heard "Video Killed the Radio Star."


How do you eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup?

Naked, with a shaved monkey.

Who should promote Viagra for women?

Hillary Clinton.

What was Carrie Bradshaw's least_successful outfit so far this season?

I don't know, has she been in anything since Star Wars?

What song do you have in your head right now?

"Video Killed the Radio Star." And I want it to go away . . .

Which political figure would you like to create an ad campaign for, and why?

I'm naked right now.

What's the best household invention since the Clapper?

Viagra for women.

Why are there so few top-level women in advertising?

See previous question.

What icon would you tattoo on your butt?

Your face.

You have a 1 p.m. conference call. Which three people would you most like to have on the line?

Three other naked people.

What's the eighth deadly sin?


What is the most underappreciated American export?

The A Bomb.

What's the most embarrassing website you've visited at work?

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