Big data -- n. Data so big other data jogs
around it to get exercise! Data so big it had to go to SeaWorld to
get baptized! Data so big it puts its lipstick on with a
paint-roller! Data so big ...
BuzzFeed -- n. The media version of a Pez
dispenser. Also, a way to monetize Reddit.
Gamify -- v. To amuse yourself while other
people are being totally boring. Usage: Sen. McCain gamified
the hearing on Syria by playing poker on his iPhone.
Google Glass -- n. Electronic headgear that
allows the NSA to directly monitor everything you do,
without having to rely on the usual middleware (email, phone calls,
Hyperlocal -- n. A business theory that
maintains that if you make your way to the end of a rainbow, you'll
find a small community of leprechauns underserved by traditional
mass media. All it takes to get them to hand over their pot of gold
is to a) create specialized, engaging editorial content tailored
not just to leprechauns in general but to this particular
community of leprechauns, and b) determine which of the leprechauns
is a small-business owner, and then sell him overpriced banner ads
that none of the other leprechauns will click on.
Hyperloco -- adj. To be so rattled by the
challenges of the hyperlocal marketplace that you do something very
rash and very public. Usage: The boss went hyperloco and fired
Bob at the breakfast meeting for Instagramming his danish.
Instagram -- n. Smartphone software that allows
you to photograph your danish at breakfast meetings so that, once
you get fired for photographing your danish at one of those
breakfast meetings, you'll be able to look back at your library of
danish photos and reminisce about how great it was when you used to
get free danishes at work.
iPad Mini -- n. The ideal tablet computer for
Mobile -- adj. Slipped away. Usage: We used
to have pretty decent revenue, but then all our traffic went
Native advertising -- n. A kitten that pretends
not to be a kitten so Adblock doesn't drown it in a river. (See
Patch -- n. A mythical land of high-income
leprechauns and prosperous leprechaun small-business owners. (See
Real-time advertising -- n. Topical ads seen by
the media on Twitter but by no actual consumers. Usage: Thanks
to incredibly effective real-time advertising, the TechCrunch
writer decided to serve Oreos instead of pizza at his next Super
Bowl party and/or royal birth!
Reddit -- n. A site that serves as a crib sheet
for bloggers and the mainstream media. Usage: Bob had page-view
quotas to meet and had run out of ideas for posts, so he went on
Reddit and rewrote a few things he found on its home page.
Trendrr -- n. A very au courant gay pirate
recently acqui-hired by Twitter.
Tumblr -- n. A source of free pornography
recently acquired by a logo-redesign shop.
Tumbly -- adj. Porny. Usage: Miley Cyrus'
Video Music Awards performance on MTV was so tumbly, wasn't
TV Everywhere -- n. A religious doctrine that
maintains that, like Scientology or Starbucks, TV is simply not
ubiquitous enough yet -- but it's only a matter of time.
Vine -- n. A brief video tailor-made for people
whose attention spans are so short their minds start to wander
halfway through a tweet.
Yahoo -- n. A logo-redesign shop.
Yelp -- n. An anguished cry, similar to a
Wilhelm Scream, emitted by a
local retailer who is being mysteriously bullied by anonymous
Simon Dumenco is the "Media Guy" media columnist for
Advertising Age. Follow him on Twitter @simondumenco.