Dear Audrey

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Dear Audrey:

I really like my partner. In fact, we've been spending every waking moment together since being teamed up on a new-business pitch. I'm not sure this is a good thing, but I can't help myself. What should we do?

Partner in Love

Dear Partner in Love:

I am delighted to tell you there's no more solid relationship than one built on a new-business pitch. Besides having scintillating (not to mention titillating) conversations about typefaces, you'll have all those golden moments in the art studio; the late-night, last minute changes, when your hands simultaneously reach out for the same marker; the knowing glances through the haze of spray mount when you finish each other's taglines. Not to mention what happens if you get the account and they choose your campaign! What could be more romantic than 12 hours in an editing room with the editor, his assistant, your boss and his boss? I'm getting all misty-eyed just thinking about it. Remember to document it in a scrapbook for your grandchildren.

Dear Audrey:

Once again, our spot was overlooked for being on the Super Bowl and relegated to some obscure outlet like the Weather Channel.

Out in the Cold

Dear Out in the Cold:

I wouldn't necessarily consider the Weather Channel the Siberia of viewership. Why, just two and a half years ago, I was watching it (actually, I was checking to see if hell had frozen over since I'd just sold a spot for the Super Bowl myself) and the action was nonstop. First, Weather Channel experts reported that Hurricane Bonnie was no ordinary storm but had a "shifting" eye, a character flaw. Who knows what this crazy gal would do next? Then, they pronounced Bonnie "pregnant" with another hurricane inside of her. Since she was only a few days old, one would have to assume she was a virgin or, at the very least, underage. I'm telling you, it was practically a Melrose episode! So, quit your blubbering. You'll affect the dew point averages.

Dear Audrey:

Sometimes I think advertising is going too far. Just the other day I read about a new service that imprints an advertiser's logo and message into the sand at the beach. Must we fill every empty space with advertising?

Sick of Advertising

Dear Sick:

I for one won't be happy until every empty space, including the one between your ears, is filled with an ad. Just the other day, I witnessed a fender bender and the driver's airbag deployed. There it was, a 24x24 empty white space just staring the driver in the face, and I thought, What a shame! That would've been a perfect spot for an ad for life insurance. After all, what does the driver need more than anything at that very moment (besides an ambulance, perhaps)? At least one of the vehicles involved was a mobile billboard touting the merits of Bailey's Irish Cream, so all the rubber-necking didn't go to waste.

Audrey De Vries is a freelance copywriter in New York.

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