A breathy voiceover at the start of this ad sets the thrilling agenda: "Football. Innovation. Old Spice."

We then see an alpha male working out, dominating a meeting, playing a grand piano, lounging shirtlessly and even showering as he explains the secret of his "sports success": the Old Spice Hair Helmet, a football helmet with a long blond wig attached to it, which he's wearing throughout the commercial (even in the shower). "I never have to choose between protection and having a great head of hair," our protagonist explains, adding, "Don't believe me? Don't worry. I do."

Honestly, if this product were real, we'd be able to get our Christmas shopping done a lot earlier this year.