Sir Richard's has a feisty response to Help Remedies' launch of its new condom product, "Help, I'm Horny," via this hilarious press release. "Help I'm Horny" is a "selective" brand -- to get it, you either have to stay at one of the hotels that carries the prophylactic in its mini-bars, or put in an application. Now, Sir Richard's promises one-month supply of its condoms to the imperfect lovers that might fail the test. Three banners ads promoting the offer will be placed in online, lifestyle publications via keyword buy. The company is not yet sure where exactly the ads, which can be seen on the right, will appear, but thinks it will be related to content about yoga or new-age foods, for example. Full text of the "press release" below:
Boulder, CO (January 28, 2013) -- Sir Richard's Condom Company
announced today that it would embrace anyone who does not pass the "sex test" required by the
new condom brand, Help I'm Horny".
The "rigorous" Help test consists of sharing sexual fantasies, past sexual experiences and a
review of erotic artwork. The test is designed to ensure that nobody utilizes their product for
"pedestrian, uninspired sex." In a hastily-organized press conference at the Sir Richard's
Condom Company headquarters that had no press in attendance, company spokesperson,
Charlotte Martin, stated:
"Sir Richard's is committed to sexual democracy and we believe
nobody should have to qualify to practice safe sex. Full disclosure,
I myself lack basic eye-hand coordination and have no sense of rhythm, which greatly impairs
my skills in bed and racquet sports.
On numerous occasions my enthusiasm coupled with these limitations has lead to serious injuries
to myself and some of my partners. For myself and the millions of well-intended but imperfect
the world, I am proud to announce that Sir Richard's embraces us with open arms, offering a
one-month free subscription for anyone who fails to qualify to purchase "Help I'm Horny"
To take advantage of this offer, email Charlotte (firstname.lastname@example.org).