Disney brings out the stars, and Kimmel slays (as always)
One way to make people feel like kids again: have them climb over each other on gymnasium bleachers. Disney’s upfront presentation took place late Tuesday afternoon at Manhattan’s Basketball City at Pier 36—a venue so far out of the way, Jimmy Kimmel joked that if the massive audience was willing to make the trek, “there is literally nothing they [Disney] can’t force you to do.”
The two-hour presentation tried to keep its audience engrossed with an in-person procession of celebrity talent, including Ryan Seacrest, Kerry Washington, Claire Danes, Ellen Pompeo, Kumail Nanjiani, Kris Jenner, Kourtney Kardashian, Amy Schumer, Peyton and Eli Manning, Troy Aikman, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Samuel L. Jackson and the principal casts of “Abbott Elementary” and “Only Murders in the Building.” And it featured sneak peeks at highly anticipated releases like “She Hulk: Attorney at Law” and “Hocus Pocus 2.”
Curiously, after a flurry of news Tuesday morning teasing Disney+’s upcoming ad products, the company offered few additional details to potential advertisers.
By the show’s end, when aching backs and slideshow fatigue were increasingly causing restlessness and walkouts, Disney managed to bring the presentation home with laugh-out-loud standup from Kimmel, who was forced to Zoom into the venue because of a positive COVID test. He joked that he was speaking live from the Fox upfront, “where people don’t care about COVID.”
“How about those fuckers at Fox yesterday? After two years of telling everyone COVID is a hoax, they trick you into taking an Uber to watch a tape,” the late-night host said in a jab at Fox’s mostly pre-recorded presentation. Kimmel had a go at other networks as well, labeling CBS the home for “old shows for old people” and calling out NBC’s Olympics ratings as “the only thing sadder than the finale of ‘This Is Us.’” He joked that YouTube’s upfront shouldn’t have been approved because “YouTube isn’t television—YouTube is medicine we use to tranquilize our children” and that Netflix has lost so much money, “I hear they might not even be able to get Emily back from Paris.”
Of course, the comedian brought it home by turning on the House of Mouse itself:
“Don’t even think about KPIs or DTC or ratings or if people are watching our shows or any of that stuff,” he said. “Just remember this: This company owns everything. We own Mickey Mouse. We own Spider-Man. We own the Muppets, the Simpsons, the Kardashians, ‘Encanto.’ We own it all. We have enough power to build the Deathstar, which is another thing we own. We’re Disney ... Don’t fucking test us.”
Rewind: TV characters beloved by ad industry leaders when they were kids