So much has been written about those pregnant months before the baby comes. “Lean in,” they say. Don’t give up on progression and pay raises and promotions just because you’ll be off for 12 months.

But what about when that roller-coaster year is over? Who warns you, or your managers and peers, that the return is far harder and can be the unmaking of you?

I realize now how lucky I was that I felt well during my whole first pregnancy. I was made CEO at 10 weeks pregnant; my incredible firm supported me on the condition I found a great number two. So, I put my executive team in place and worked harder and harder with an almost militant fervor as my due date approached to get everything in place. I think I became a little scary! But it meant I could focus completely on the tiny girl that popped out during that first year of utter chaos.

And then came the return. My team had kicked ass. They had won loads of business. The agency was growing, and the exec team had stepped up to the plate and excelled. So how could I step back in the same way as before?

I didn’t want to undermine the work they had done. I didn’t want to interfere with what was working well. I knew I needed to return into an elevated CEO role but had no idea what that was or how to navigate the situation. So, I tiptoed around the team, lacking the confidence to point out flaws or give guidance until I didn’t no longer recognized myself as a leader.

Luckily, I had the opportunity to go Babson College for a week of training featuring the late Janet Riccio—the incredibly wise and fabulous dean of Omnicom University, whom I miss very much. She took me aside and gave me some tough love. She pointed out that I was CEO for a reason, and I needed to step back in at full throttle. I was failing the agency and myself. That cost me six months of unfulfilled potential. And now I see it clearly happening everywhere. So here is my toolkit to save you the time that I lost:

Step back in as leader

I came back apologetically and passively. Step back in as the leader you are from day one. You don’t need to be a bulldozer, but you do need to lead the organization as before. That is your job.

Write a future job description

I had put such a good team in place, I didn’t know where I was needed on my return. So, before you go, plan the space you will own in 12 months’ time. Write a future job description for yourself that excites you and scares you in equal measure.

Consult with your team

I made the wrong assumptions about how much my team needed me, so was oversensitive about showing up too forcefully. Use your “Keep in Touch” days as you come to the end of your maternity leave to have completely open and honest one-to-one discussions with your immediate team one-to-one. Ask them where they need you most when you get back. I promise they’ll give you a long list.

Bring in an expert

I internalized all the worry; I could have resolved the situation in minutes if I had talked to someone earlier. Plan some return-to-work coaching—and if you can, offer that to all returning mothers in your organization (and those men taking shared parental leave too). Talking through those heady guilt-ridden few months, the confidence troughs and the newly experienced first impressions, is invaluable, if not critical.

Show your humanity

Finally, never be afraid to show your humanity. You don’t have to hide the fact this is hard; it will inspire others that they can do the same. Lean into the experience and use it to make you an even more empathetic leader.

I hope that people past this life stage have made it to the end of this article too. And that you support your colleagues to do just this. Because, just as it takes a village to raise a child, I believe it is our collective responsibility to help raise up women leaders after they fill our world with the leaders of tomorrow.