On Wednesday, Dior started running a 30-second cut of its new Miss Dior fragrance ad, starring Natalie Portman, on TV. But we'd like to draw your attention to the 45-second version of the "film," as Dior refers to it, that has already racked up millions of views online. Because really, it's all kinds of crazy, and you should not shortchange yourself.
For most of the ad, Natalie -- or should we call her Miss Dior? -- gazes directly and seductively into the camera, which has the effect of casting you, the viewer, as a co-star in the production. We briefly see "you" -- you're a sexy bearded dude (you're OK with that, hopefully?) -- but mostly we see Natalie luxuriating in the tender love bubble you have created for her. You have done this, apparently, because near the start of the ad, after "you" shout "I love you," Natalie shouts back "Prove it!"
What the hell is wrong with you? How could you be so withholding?! How dare you cause Miss Dior to question your love!
You need to try harder. This is Natalie Portman we're talking about -- Natalie Portman who, as seen in the ad, has a full and rewarding life that involves jumping off of piers, running barefoot on beaches, recklessly driving her pink convertible on beaches and posing in front of the Eiffel Tower, as well as angrily shoving you and throwing pink roses in your face. What's not to love?
Fortunately, by the end of the ad you seem to have successfully proven your devotion to Natalie. She seemly blissfully happy -- even, briefly, orgasmic.
You are forgiven for your past relationship lapses.
By the way, if it doesn't work out with you and Natalie, maybe Kristen Stewart -- star of a similarly insane ad for Chanel's Gabrielle fragrance -- is available?